Title change....

Several months ago, a good friend of mine suggested I change the title of my blog to my name. At first, I wasn't so sure. It felt kinda vain and I just was plain uncomfortable with it. But now that it has been over 6 months after my first novel was published on amazon, and I have gotten a little more comfortable with this whole blog-thing...I started re-thinking about it.

I have an addiction to following the blogs of other authors that I respect and as my list started to grow, I realized that pretty much each author used their name as the title. Maybe it is just easier for readers to google and find you when they are interested in a world you have created.

So, anyways, I decided that it might be a good idea and would help to streamline my current book as well as my future ones.

I hope you all are having a wonderful season and staying healthy....in a few short weeks I will be sending out some manuscripts to more agents so keep your fingers crossed!! :)

For real....

These are serious things to consider

Just breathe

Soooooo.....I have been really focused and have not had much to say lately to the blogging world. Same old same old. Finishing my degree and writing, writing, writing. I am over half way done with writing Sanctuary and have been sending portions to my beta readers for review....it is coming along and I am excited by some new faces and sad to see others go....

With that said, tonight I decided that instead of doing homework, I would spend a few hours online and get some writing done that has been on my mind lately. I clicked onto the blog to post a quick update and noticed that I had a comment.....now this is where I get really excited! Because this comment had me smiling from ear to ear! I got my first review that is not an amazon review!!!

Here's the link if you would like to get all giddy with me:

http://smartowlbooks.weebly.com/tainted-trilogy.html#

Writing, writing, writing

The last few months I have been writing.

But not on here apparently :)

Between school and books, I have kept myself busy and really have not had much to tell.
I am almost finished with school (a Masters degree) and in this last seven weeks I have never felt like quitting more. It's like senioritis times twenty.

And reading...oh the reading...my husband has been buying me books off of my amazon wish list and I have been blissfully tucking myself away at night with them instead of turning on my computer.


( this one here was great, Under the Never Sky by Veronica Rossi...looking forward to her second one in the series next year!)

And then there is the writing, one of my favorite and most annoying things ever.
How can something you love drive you so crazy???
Between the five books I have been playing with, I am finding I am my own worst enemy. But, this last week or two I have really thrown myself into SANCTUARY the second installment of the Tainted Trilogy.

I blame it on the fact that I have been walking for an hour every morning listening to my writing music and my imagination has gone wild.
And I am really excited because Sanctuary is really coming together!
I had wanted to already have it finished and published by now because I am really excited about the third book and wanted to get to it....but then I was just rushing through it and it wasn't getting to where I wanted it to.
Annoying.
But then I remembered how much I really love Jemma and Gage and remembered that to have book three be great, then book two needs to build that foundation that is very important in the new world.

Sooooo...in short, I am sorry it is taking so long and as part of my apology, I am going to post a short scene written from Gage's point-of-view. This is the extra that I published at the end of Tainted if you had bought the paperback. But for those of you you only bought the ebook, then this is new.

Basically, I was playing around with the last chapter of Tainted and since the whole thing is from Jemma's perspective, I felt like trying to see from Gage's perspective.....spoiler alert if you have not read the book yet...this is the last chapter after all.....

GAGE

            The rain was finally letting up and I could not help but feel a little relieved, even if it was doing what Preston thought and keeping our scent away from the sick. I was worried about how slick the ground was becoming and had slowly been losing the confidence that I could protect Jemma if I needed to.

            Glancing over my shoulder I saw her struggle a little up the last hill under the weight of Trevor. Gritting my teeth, I forced myself to focus on our surroundings, staying aware and in tune to every sound and movement, slowly making our way towards the light and our only hope at the moment. I would take Trevor and carry him for her, but I already knew her well enough to realize that it would be a pointless attempt.

            When we reached the point of the path where we could finally see below us, I felt my muscles tense, ready to fight. The rest of the group seemed to respond the same way. Only Megan let out a small whimper of lost hope.

            Below us rose the walls that would give us safety. And surrounding those walls were the hundreds of sick bodies that would keep us from that. My mind began to work in over drive, calculating any chance we could have of making it inside without being hurt. The odds were not in our favor. Reaching up I rubbed at my chin, feeling the small stubble that was growing from the days we had spent on the road. Jemma stood beside me now, her green eyes calculating as she thought. Watching her from the corner of my eye, I knew that if anyone was going to survive, I would make sure it was her. I would not let her life be wasted.

            Adjusting the gun in my free hand, I prepared to walk down into the mess below and create a distraction. Maybe it would be enough for the people inside to come to her rescue. Maybe it would be all that was needed for Jemma and everyone else to make it inside.

            Before I could move, I saw Jemma square her shoulders.

            “Gage, leave the pack here. We won’t need it anymore.” Jemma adjusted Trevor, cradling him closer to her.

 I looked at her unsure, but took the pack off and slid it under a bush.

“See the tree line over there? We need to make our way through there and then I think we can sprint across the dirt. It looks like there is a gate on that side that is clear of any infected.” She handed Megan her gun. The look in her eyes was pure determination. She was beautiful.

“Do you want me to take him?” I asked her, trying to calm my racing heart by checking each gun to make sure they were loaded. I didn’t know if my pulse was furious because I was worried about losing the only girl I had ever loved or because we were about to make our way into a horde.

“Not yet.”

Jemma started towards the tree line, followed by Megan and Preston. I took up the rear, making sure to keep my eyes on the bodies to the left. My shoes slid in the mud, but I was able to avoid any roots from the stumps of trees that had recently been cleared. Within minutes we were lined up with a gate that was embedded on the far side of the wall.

“When we get to the side, we will all start shouting for help. Meg, turn on the flashlight and signal up towards the top of the wall. Preston and Gage, fire only when we need to.” Jemma sounded breathless. She was nervous.

I watched as a few of the sick seemed to sense a change. Like they knew we were there and were just trying to figure out where exactly.

“Now!” Jemma half shouted.

We ran as a group, reaching the wall just as a few of the sick turned towards us, stumbling to find us in the dark. We only had minutes left before they were upon us. I was tempted to start firing at them while Jemma and the rest tried to get the attention of the people inside the walls, but I wasn’t sure if I would actually hit anyone. Most likely they would be wasted bullets. Instead, I started shouting with everyone else, firing one bullet into the air.

I was too busy screaming and watching the approaching group to realize what was happening. I didn’t see Jemma hand off Trevor or turn towards Preston. Before I could even comprehend what was happening, Jemma grabbed me and kissed me. I felt stunned as I felt our lips mold together softly before hers hardened and she pulled away, tears brimming her eyes and threatening to run down her cheeks.

Then my heart stopped as she turned and ran towards the crowd of zombies.

To my horror, the horde switched directions. Instead of hunting us, they were now hunting Jemma.

My body and my mind were suddenly at war with each other. As I twisted to follow her and shoot at the things chasing her, I knew that if I did not get her brother and best friend inside, she would hate me forever. Fighting my instinct, I dug my feet into the mud and fired at a few of the backs of the heads of the sick, screaming at the top of my lungs. Several bodies dropped and fell still in the mud. It wasn’t until I stopped screaming that I realized there was gun fire coming from the top of the wall.

Tearing my eyes away from where Jemma was running, I saw the gate start to crack. For me, that was enough. I turned and sprinted for the tree line, running up the side of the mass of sick and hoping to get to where Jemma was before it was too late. Cutting through the bushes, I felt something twist around my ankle, yanking me to the floor.

My eyes were blinded by the darkness but I could feel thin strong fingers wrapping into the hem of my jeans. Kicking with my free leg, I made contact with something soft. The fingers around my leg loosened and I took advantage of it, scooting back quickly and jumping back up.

“Crap!” I couldn’t see Jemma. But the crowd was beginning to beat on one of the abandoned busses. She had to be there. And if they were still trying to get to her, it meant she was still alive.

I felt a rush of renewed strength and quickly made my way through the last half of the trees. The back side of the bus was not yet swarming with bodies and I saw a few of the windows were half way down. Using my belt, I tied my gun to my back and hunched down, getting up under the window without being seen.

Jumping as high as I could, I reached for the open window. My muscles spasmed but I could hear Jemma scream inside. Using my feet, I pushed against the bus and pulled my body up through the window, tumbling head first inside and banging my ear against the side of the metal seat frame.

 “Gage?” Jemma had fallen back into a seat across from me, fear etched into her face. Hastily looking over the bus and realizing the sick were still outside, I bent over, placing my hands on my knees and trying to catch my breath. The window had been a lot higher than I had expected and my ear that I had hit was buzzing. I watched as confusion and happiness crossed through her eyes before she settled on being angry.

“What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be safe behind that wall right now, taking care of Preston and Meg and Trevor!” Jemma reached up and smacked my arm. I lightly grabbed her wrist as it came in the second time. Even with the dead shaking the bus, all I could think about was how she had kissed me before she ran and how badly I wanted to pull her close to me right now and kiss her back.

Mud streaked her clothes and rain and tears had dried to her face. With her blonde hair knotted at the nape of her neck and her eyes wild and alive, I couldn’t think of any other place I would rather be. Definitely not without her behind the safe walls.

“What? You get to be the only hero? I can’t have you showing me up like that. I’ll never be able to live it down.”

“Gage, I’m not planning on making it out of here.”

“Yeah well, I didn’t get to kiss you back.” If only she knew how much I loved her. A smile played at her lips and then she said the three words I had been waiting to hear. The ones that made everything worth it.

 “I love you.”

I smiled at her, ignoring the hands that were reaching in through the windows. My legs felt weak. Reaching for her hand, I pulled her into one of the benches, tucking her back away from any open window. Reaching back, I undid my gun and laid it across my lap. I wasn’t sure how much time we had left, but I would make sure that she was safe as long as I could.

Jemma was the one to break the silence.

“Did they make it?” She whispered.

I waited a moment, not wanting to lie to her, but wanting her to have some sense of hope. “When you took off, it took me a moment to realize what you were doing. I was torn, knowing you would want me to stay. But as soon as the gate started to open, I took off.”

She seemed satisfied. Leaning her head against my shoulder, I bent down, brushing my lips against her forehead. A few more minutes would have been ideal, but then again, it would have been ideal to not be in this situation at all. The bus suddenly rocked as the bodies outside became too many. The bus tipped sideways and our backs slammed against the windows as they shattered, sending glass shards over us.

The sick were now inside.

Letting go of Jemma, I grabbed for my gun and leaned around the seat, firing as the horde made its way inside towards us.

At my feet Jemma called my name, but her voice sounded weak and distant.

“I’m right here Jemma,” I called back. But she didn’t answer. Panicking I looked down. She was still breathing, but blood was coming from her head.

“Jemma!” I called her name again, trying to get her to look at me. I heard a snarl and looked up as body lunged at me, its nails scraping down my cheek. I swung my fist back, nailing him square in the jaw and throwing him back far enough that I was able to get my gun back up and release several shots, killing the guy in front of me.

The others were not far behind him. Bending down I reached to check Jemma’s pulse. It was faint, but she was still alive.

Suddenly the air around me grew hot and the area around me lit up so brightly that I was forced to cover my eyes with my free hand. The heat was so strong that my ears began to hum and I almost missed the sounds of humans yelling above the screeching of the sick.

“Jemma,” I said again as I reached down to scoop her limp body into my arms. I leaned back, forcing her head to rest against my chest. Looking down, I could see where the blood was coming from, but if I pulled out the chunk of glass, it may bleed more.

“Help!” I screamed. “We’re in here!” There had to be someone out there. They had to be coming for us. Within seconds the last of the sick dropped dead, a gunshot to the back of the head.

And behind them, was a wall of men dressed in all black.

............................

Mud Fun

Today I called in sick.
Not because I am sick...but because my son is. And I think there is nothing more important than taking care of your babies when they are sick.
Unfortunately, I called in sick not to work, or to school, but for my student teaching. And when you call in sick for a day in the world of student teaching, they just add an extra day to your sentence.
But I can't really complain because for that extra day added, I get a day of lovin' on my baby, reading and writing, and finally starting on that pile of laundry I have been stepping over and digging through.
So this post will be short because I have lots of laziness to get to.
But I wanted to write about this really fun event my husband and I just did.
We had a mud date!
For years I have been begging someone to do a mud run event with me. But of course, The word Run deterred everyone from the fun.
Then last month, I called my husband to brag about a seven mile run I did (I am a sporadic runner...like a month here and there type. So this was a great accomplishment) and he says, "That's perfect because I just signed us up for a mud run with my work."
I was ecstatic. Him...not so much.
But he did it because he loved me. And other than being sore after, we had a blast!
Sorry I don't have any pictures of the course (cameras and mud are not friends), but I'll explain it to you so you can use your imagination...
After about a mile run (walk, jog, whatever) we reached a field with about 8 little mud hills. Like what you would see motorcycles ride over. Before each mud hill was a mud pit that, when standing in it, it came to the middle of my thighs. After each mud hill was another mud pit that we had to slosh through. Doesn't sound too hard, right? Well, now imagine almost 100 people doing this all together, sliding into one another and the hills being so slippery that to get over you have to dig your nails in and crawl and pull yourself over only to slide down the other side into the mud.

All I pictured was that I was fighting for my life or fleeing zombies though, and I was over super fast with only a few scrapes on my legs and a tons of mud under my nails. The picture above shows my duct-taped wrapped shoes because you do not want to loose your shoes in the mud. There were a lot of abandoned shoes laying around.

After that, we came to a second field. In this one there are giant hurdles we had to pull ourselves over (or in my case, have your husband shove you over because you can barely reach the top to pull up) , hurdles we had to crawl under,  and half tires we needed to army crawl under. All in deep mud pits of course. Not to mention a board we had to balance across or fall to our death in a gross looking mud pit that no one was touching.
Then, the nice firemen hosed us down so we could hoof it back the mile in a half to the final field which has a mud pool with a tunnel we swam through and a mud mountain we climbed (clawed) to the top so we could slide down the muddy other side into the last mud pit and then ran to cross the finish.
EVERYTHING was soaked in mud! We used towels in our car to get to the in-laws house where our kiddos were waiting. Even after hosing down in the back yard, mud was still coming off me from who knows where.
Sounds like the best time ever right?!

My sister keeps mentioning the zombie run.
I told her that's not gonna happen.
I don't feel like having an anxiety attack while I run or accidentally beating up a poor actor out of fear.
For now, I'll stick with the mud runs.

Summer Haze

Over a month since my last post?! That is just crazy! Summer has flown by with lots of family fun including a few mini vacations, swimming, movie nights, beach time, fishing, library visits, game nights and lots of laughs as well as the occasional sibling fight.
 But my "me" to do list was barely touched.

Out of the several things I set out to really do this summer for myself, only one of them got its fair share of my attention...reading. I lost myself in about 10 books and still have another five waiting patiently by the side of my bed.

Also, not pictured: Julie Kagawa's Iron Fey Series, Aprilynn Pikes newest novel to her Wings series called Destined, Carrie Jones newest book in her Need Series called Endure , and a great one by Veronica Roth called Divergent.....All of which are great reads.

I also started and lost my first garden....

 Which was killed when this little booger chewed through it AND the fence and ran away....

Thank goodness she was found after a week of tears and now when we leave she must stay in this due to her new insatiable need for freedom....

I also tried to do this more this summer....

Which did not happen at all. :)

My other thing that did not receive as much attention as I had planned was writing.
To be honest  I have thought about sitting down and writing, but my summer did not really go as planned....do they ever?
Now I wrote, but I just had a problem with sticking to one story. I have about five stories outlined and I jumped from one to the next depending on my mood.
About two nights ago I decided that this isn't really working out for me.
I need to focus on one story at a time because I don't actually feel like I am getting anything done at this point. Now the problem is deciding which one...
I also have been looking into attending a writers conference. Anyone out there ever been to one? There is the San Diego one coming up that might be fun (as well as a little intimidating).

So now the kiddos head back to school next week and the husband heads back to work and I will be left with a fairly quiet house and an energetic boxer. The summer of 2012 flew past and now I can't wait for cooler weather, pumpkin everything and a yard full of leaves for the kids to play in.
But in the mean time...I need to use this moment to focus on the one thing I am passionate about and love enough to keep at it even if it were to never really go anywhere because I need it.
So wish me luck as I pick one of my stories to disappear into and hopefully come back with an awesome book to share.

Back to Life

I took an 8 day fast from all technology.
I know what you are thinking...how did she survive?!
Well, it was not really by choice.
My husband was asked several months ago to join a team of teachers for a mission trip to Haiti. This trip was going to be a teacher conference type of trip where new curriculum was going to be brought to a school over there and the teacher's on the trip would basically train the Haitian teachers how to use it for the benefit if the children. It was to be an 8 day trip and while I was happy for him, I was also a little nervous.

Left : This is one of the local classrooms where my husband went....



Below are some of the students who showed up on their day off to help the teachers. They were promised a meal and something to take home.






                                                                                 

 Left: These were some friends at the school. My husband has two full sleeves of tattoo's that the students loved. They were showing their arms for the camera screaming "Sak Pase" which is basically "whats up!"





Below is a finished school building

 Left: These are the cafeteria ladies in the school cafeteria





Below is a giant spider that they had tons of. I was told they are almost the size of baseballs. So I pretty much would have NEVER slept.

My husband and I have been together 12 years. Out of those 12 years (included the time that we dated) we spoke every.single.day.
Seriously.
The only time we did not see each other was the various hospital stays that happen with a new little family and even in those we took advantage of the hospital phone.
For this trip, we would not be able to talk and the only form of communication we could squeeze in were about three emails (which I lived for by the way).
So here I am, suddenly husband free with two little ones and my mom mentions she is headed out to Arizona for five days of boating. The kids and I jump in her car and head out to Arizona to swim our hearts out and get sunburnt and dry.
But even in that, I missed my husband. A lot.
It is funny, because once people heard that this was our first real apart time almost everyones response was "Then this will be healthy for you"
And to that I say a resounding "bull crap."
Now, I wasn't crying and beyond eating and could not find joy in anything I did.
I had a blast, laughed with my kids and sisters and got my first tan in ages (I typically avoid the sun for fear of wrinkles and cancer)
But I felt...hollow. Like a piece of me was missing. Like I was supposed to have someone who saw life the same as me to share my experiences and that person was not there.
If that was my life would I go on? Sure. Why not. If I have learned anything from my tears over my 30 years of life is that eventually they stop coming and the empty scars fade.
But, I am fortunate to not be in the position yet and so I must say that just because we see each other everyday or talk everyday does not mean we have an unhealthy relationship.
In fact, I think it means the opposite. I think it means we fit together just so that it speaks volumes for our very healthy/best friends relationship in that we actually LIKE each other.
Weird. I know.



Me in the spot my husband proposed to me just 11 years earlier.....

On other notes...
Now that I am getting back to normal life things, last night I sent one of my other YA series to a few agents. So keep your fingers crossed. I seriously respect anyone who has sent query after query out because it is one of the hardest things to do. I mean, try explaining a 300 page book in one or two paragraphs and in a way that catches the eye of someone who is reading over 100 queries a day so that they contact you and ask for more....only a little intense.
I'll keep you updated.

Party Time!

So for anyone who knows me, I have started this little tradition of creating movie/book themed "parties". It all started with the TWILIGHT movies and then the HUNGER GAMES. Today was SNOW WHITE and the HUNTSMAN. I decorate and center the colors and food around things in the book (or for SNOW, the original story)....

For example:
Breaking Dawn Brunch ~
Honeymoon Quiche (Because you know, Bella loved her eggs)
Pregnant Toast (Strawberry and cream cheese stuffed french toast)
Fido's Scraps (A dog bowl with FIDO written on the side full of sausage)

Decorations were fake engagement rings.
This is our group gettin' ready to go to the movie...(the littlest kids (mine and my sisters) get the yummy food, but stay home with a sitter~ aka: grandma)

Hunger Games Luncheon ~
District Bread Bowls with Greasy Sae's chili
Katniss's Strawberry Salad
Peeta's Bakery Smores

I made little book marks with the Mockingjay symbol

And there was today: A Huntsman BBQ, which was a little harder because there really wasn't a book to go by, just the old story I had grown up on. But it really did not matter as much as long as there was some crazy hunstman style meat. Of course the boys ate the beef kidney (ewww) while I stayed on the side of sane and had my spinach salad and chicken/apple/gouda sausage finished off with a caramel apple pie that was displayed under a felt garland of red apples. (sorry, I would post pictures but my camera turned on in my purse and now I am charging the battery like the responsible person I am)
And these parties would not be anything if the large group of us didn't actually go to see the movie as soon as our tummies are stuffed.

Sadly, while most of the parties have around fifteen of us, today almost everyone had to cancel except for a few. At first, I was a little frustrated. And then, a little paranoid (what if something bad was going to happen and everyone pulling out last minute was a sign??) But then, the party came and went, the movie was fun since we could all enjoy it without passing messages down a long row of friends. After, one of my brothers hung out for a few hours and we totally brainstormed my books.
He was as excited as I was as we talked music for the writing time, as well as some amazingly awesome ideas for book three (have I mentioned how excited I am to get to that book?) And then, because my brother can think these things through, we worked at some of the minor details one does not often think about. Like can the Tainted bleed out? (Which after some discussion, I had to go with no) And so that leads to some thinking about what the world would look like one year later? Or two, or twenty?

So now I am waiting for the next big one (Breaking Dawn Part II) and one that should be fun (The Host) and of course the second in the Hunger Games series (yay!) to start planning my little get together's that drive the husband crazy and make my friends and family tease me. But I know the memories will last them forever and when we are all old and gray they will remember and still talk about it as we read books on the porch. And who knows...maybe someday I will be planning a party for the movie release of one of my books!!!

Hey, a girl can always hope :)

Bring on theSummer Reading!

So last summer I went a little nuts with the summer reading. Our local library is pretty amazing and so we visit it quite often. Well, you know the saying "Don't judge a book by its cover"? It is sprinkled with a little bit of nonsense. Because yes, when it comes to people I totally get that. But I almost always pick up a book to read based on the cover.

I slide through the YA section of my library, pulling books out at random, scanning the title and the cover. If it doesn't catch my attention, I place it back in its spot and continue on until I have an arm full of books to read.

Not saying that this is the only way I pick a book (I also take recommendations) but I have found some of the most amazing series and novels this way! I have discovered authors that I admire and genre's within the YA world of literature that I did not even realize existed (like steam punk zombie) and while this summer my to-read shelf is already very full as is my kindle, I can't help but get excited about finding awesomely done covers and new authors.

So for mothers day, one of the things I wanted to do was wander Barnes and Nobel a bit. Two books just recently came out that I want to read and have been waiting for the last 10 months: Endure by Carrie Jones, the final book to the Need Series AND Destined by Aprilynne Pike, part of her Wings Series.

I also stumbled upon a few others based on their covers that I mentally added to my wish list for the summer:
Masque of the Red Death by Bethany Griffin
Desires of the Dead and The Last Echo, both a body finders novel by Kimberly Derting
The Last Princess by Galaxy Craze (I know, cool name right?!)
The Immortal Rules by Julie Kagawa (I am actually reading her Iron Fey series right now and loving it! This one is all over GoodReads so now I am curious)
Revived by Cat Patrick

Fortunately for me, I FINALLY finish college this summer (is it odd that I feel weird adding the M.A after my name?) and so my free time to read will grow. As it is now, I have to sneak reading time in when I exercise or on my lunch break or when the family is asleep.

Other than that...I just plan on writing, writing, writing. I am in the middle of  completing three different novels at the moment and looking forward to publishing the second book in the Tainted series by the end of summer.

So now that I have shared a glimpse of my reading list for the summer, I would like to know, whats on yours?


Oh, and just a little side note: took a relaxing two day vacation up in the mountains with the family and had myself a little Jemma moment.

Thought the cloud trails were beautiful but immediately thought about the tainted! Stay healthy!

The Power of the Mind

So the other night, I had a horrible nightmare. The kind where you wake up so relieved that it was not your reality, but that during it you actually experience the emotional conflict of it as if it were real.

Of course. It was about zombies.
Not the type I write about in Tainted, but the type they use on the scifi channel. The type that are a little crazily overdone.

But still scary.

In my dream, there were places that were safe, where normal society could exist without worrying about monsters. Most of my dream took place in my moms house, which in that weird dream way was my house. And I spent much of my time making sure everything was safe.
Then, at some point, I needed to walk somewhere (because a car would have been too easy).
In my dream my heart was pounding as I walked down some empty city street that had massive oak tree's lining it and shading the road. I was looking around frantically as I power walked, taking notice of another woman on a walk. I also passed a second woman who was wearing workout clothes and jogging as if life was okay.
Then all three of us stopped, seeing a woman sitting in her car who was twitching and talking to herself. She was changing.
I screamed at the other two woman that she was turning and they need to get to safety at the same time they looked at me saying to run because they also understood what was happening.

Anyways, the dream became jumbled. Somehow a place I was in was not safe and someone I love died making me feel horribly burdened by pain, loss, and fear. Not to mention the monsters chasing me. Ugh.

I woke up, rolled towards my husband saying I had a bad dream. He replied by saying I needed to stop reading scary books. In my defense, I haven't read a scary book in awhile. I actually just finished reading the Vampire Academy series by Richelle Mead.

But it made me wonder, why HAD I had that dream?
Was it stress and the feeling of lack of control that seems to be overwhelming me lately? Maybe.
Or maybe I just have a weird mind? Probably.
Whatever the reason, it wasn't fun and the emotions that came with it felt real.

It also made me think of a scene I just read in the series I mentioned above. It was a break up scene and my palms were sweating and I felt sad and guilt as if it were me.

Oh the power of the mind. Did you know that if you are unhappy, and you force yourself to smile at others, eventually you become happy because the brain recognizes that muscles used and attributes it to happiness? Our mind is a very, very powerful thing.

As writers, we have the opportunity to evoke emotion just by the words we speak on paper. The power to have the readers mind transfer it into a true emotion. And any book that can grasp that and do it well becomes a great.

Something to definitely aspire to.
No pressure or anything :)

Just Plain Lazy

This week has been spring break. While my college still has classes and the restaurant I work at NEVER sleeps, the school I work at full time is out and so the lazy mornings....afternoons...and evenings have ensued. So what, may you ask, do I do with all of this amazing free time?

Nothing.

Well, sort-of nothing. I have found that being lazy is the most amazing thing in the world. I have shut out everything, spent time reading a six book series, watched my kids play video games or tackle each other, taken two hour naps (shocked, I know) and slowly worked on my book.

The funny thing about being lazy though, is that motivation tends to go out the window. I am barely motivated to do anything at all. This includes think. Which is needed when writing a book. Or three.
I actually have not been working on Sanctuary this week like I had planned. I have been working on this other YA novel that I LOVE but the writers block caused by lazy brain has been a difficult hurdle to overcome. I am finding my imagination is working overtime, but it is just not connecting to write it down.

I think writers block is something every writer comes across at some point or another. And every writer has a different way of dealing with it. I have two ways.

My first way...I write something else. Sometimes it is a poem or a short story. Other times it is a scene that pops into my head. And then there are the moments I just write about character background. I look at it like exercising. Sometimes you just are not feeling it, but if you force yourself enough, eventually it will click.

My second way (what I have been doing this time around) is to disconnect. Now, the hard part about this way is that the laziness issue can work against you. BUT, if done right, it actually can work and in disconnecting, my imagination has soaked in some great things.

For example, a few days ago we headed to my husbands home town, Whittier. After visiting with family, we decided to tour some old places he remembered and show the kids. Well, one of those old places just happened to be this warehouse type store that was for baseball card venders. The place was tucked back by some old factory places. The warehouse had once been a place where they boxed and loaded oranges. Anyways, after we made it up to the place (it was on the top floor and my daughter hates heights) we entered and asked the guy guarding the door if they were open. He said yes.

Only the place was eerily closed down. A few handfuls of kids sat in the back playing some card games, but all the vending stations were covered from floor to ceiling with tarps. We wove in and out of the isles, looking for any sign of human life. But there was none.

Creepy.

But, my imagination kicked in and I was suddenly imagining horrors behind those tarps and freaked myself pretty good. Good enough that I plan on using that experience in Sanctuary. My disconnecting allowed my brain to stop thinking of my to-do lists and my responsibilities for a while so that the younger, kid part of my brain could have some fun.

And so, here I sit on the last day of my lazy spring break planning out which hours of my afternoon (and night) I get to spend working on my stories.

Writer block take that. Now only to get motivated to find an agent....

oh, and not that many pictures were taken of the surprise book party my husband threw together, but I found a couple I thought I would share:

Well hello there...

Yes. I know. I have been doing a horrible job in keeping up with this blog. My life has been busy and when I have taken the time to sit down and write, I have either fallen asleep at the computer or become so introverted and lost in my own thoughts that not much gets done at all.

With that said, the past few weeks have been a blur. My husband surprised me with a release party for TAINTED. Several friends and family gathered together at one of my favorite places to eat and we had a blast. I have began researching agents again for another fantastic young adult series that I wrote, and I have spent some time really hashing out and writing SANCTUARY, the second book in the Tainted Trilogy. I also can't help myself, but have been really getting excited about book three as well.

I know when authors say they got their ideas from a dream, the urge to roll your eyes comes automatically. But really, dreams are crazy and fun and twisted. Sometimes the best ideas start from a small seed planted by a dream. And so, despite any eye rolls, I had a really creepy dream that has planted the beginning works of book three, RELENTLESS, and am so excited about it that I can hardly wait! Trying to breath though and take things at an organic pace.

Anyways, I often forget that my blog world friends are not linked to my facebook page and wanted to share the next two covers for the Tainted series:

and the third book:

Well, there they are! I love them so much!
Hope you all are having a wonderful weekend! Stay healthy!

Fight Like A Girl

Fight Like a girl is the title that I came up with for this picture. It was actually one of the pictures my sisters and I were playing around with for the cover of TAINTED, but it just wasn't quite right.

However, I did LOVE the picture because I felt it was a symbol of something I am proud of: girl power.

Now, I think there is a fine line between girl power and girl power. I like this picture because it goes against the societies norm of the meaning of fighting like a girl: slapping and pulling hair in the nice sissy-la-la way. It symbolizes that girls are just as powerful and can kick some major butt when they want too.

When my husband and I started dating, a big thing for me was that I wouldn't let him open a door for me. I had two hands and amazingly, strong enough arms to open the door for myself, thank-you-very-much.

When I was eight months pregnant with my daughter I changed my flat tire by myself in the pouring rain. When a guy pulled over and asked if I needed help, I smiled as I tightened the bolt and said, "no thanks, I'm good."

Yes I can handle any tool in my husbands garage. Yes I am the best when it comes to directions. And yes, I think girls have to have awesome super girl power to be able to be a mother, a friend, a wife, a maid, a cook, a tutor, a career woman, and still find time to be an individual who follows her own individual interests.

That being said, now ten years into our marriage, I would LOVE for my husband to dote on me and open my door (not that I can't...but maybe him doing it shows his adoration for me). If I were to ever get a flat tire again and a nice stranger offered to help, then I might just say yes because honestly, it would have gone much faster (maybe) and I wouldn't have gotten soaked to the bone.
And having my husband take over being mom, being cook, being maid, being tutor, is probably one of the most make-me-smile things ever.

Because girl power doesn't mean that we HAVE to do everything better than boys. It just means that we can if we want too, but sometimes the power in being a girl is stepping back and letting the men show us what they got. And that, my friends, can be the most rewarding thing ever.

So in this line of thought, I decided to take a look at Gage's point of view. Throughout TAINTED, he is fairly quiet. He let's Jemma take the lead and steps in when she needs it. But on a whim I decided to write one of the scenes in the book from what he felt and saw. Now it's not incredibly deep, but I did add it to the end of the book as an extra for the paperback version.

And who knows...maybe in book two of the TAINTED series we will get a chance to hear a little more from the love of Jemma's life.

Spilled Coffee

This morning started out like ever other morning...rushing and scrambling as soon as my feet hit the floor. Every morning at 5:30 am, my alarm goes off, I rush to make the kids lunch and breakfast, wake the kids up, lay out clothes for the kids, grab some clothes for myself, help the kids put their clothes on, tell the kids they are old enough to brush their own teeth and put on their own shoes, brush MY teeth, then help them brush their teeth and put on their shoes anyways because they are taking too long, grab and load all of the homework, backpacks, jackets, food, keys...and then we are out the door.

Now, normally, because I work with kids all day, I wear black and jeans. It is easy and if things get dirty I don't mind. Well, in my rush today, I decided to change it up. I dressed in light cargo pants with an equally light long sleeve top that has thin orange stripes (one of my favorites).

This is where the fun day begins. Following my husband into the equipment room so I can talk to him while he gets the items he needed to teach his PE class, he set down his piping hot coffee mocha next to me. In his attempt to hurry, this lovely coffee gets tipped.

Or more accurately, hit with his shoulder slash elbow and thrown at me, exploding at my feet and staining my lovely and not so kid proof outfit. Or should I say husband proof.

I tried washing it. No such luck. For the rest of the day I had students asking what in the world I had spilled all over myself.

My husband felt horrible for the rest of the day and tried to make it up to me by lots of quick kisses, lunch, and a Vitamin water (also one of my favorites).

And his attitude towards what was obviously an accident is just one of the things I find incredibly perfect about him. He was what I needed to make walking around stained with coffee all day not that bad.

Later this evening I was speaking with my mom and we started talking about characters. In the stories that I write, I find it hard to stray too much from some very core characteristics that make heroines and heroes likable.

In the books that I write, the lead females have very strong personalities. They are survivors and fighters. They are also usually stubborn in an independent way.
My males have a protectiveness about them and a willingness to just love the girl they have fallen for. Or like my husband, be exactly who that girl needs when she needs him.

Now, from these core characteristics, I branch out. One may love music, one may be more passive, one may have a temper that can flare at times...the list can go on.

But those core characteristics tend to stay because they are what I tend to love in fictional characters. But this can get boring when coming from the same writer book after book. There needs to be some challenge for a writer in really getting into the head of a person with a different character make up completely. A lot like acting.

And so, for one of the books I have started building the framework for, my challenge for myself to grow as a writer is to create a completely different heroine....who is also just so darn likeable you wish she were real.

How about you? What do you find in a lead female or male character that draws you to them?

Vampires, Fae, Werewolves...Zombies?

So it has now been 48 hours since I published my book. And I am still nervous.

My husband keeps telling me to prepare for any backlash. People who feel the content is not what they would normally read or may be upset that I would even write it. But in all fairness...it is in the description.

The title for this particular blog seemed fitting. All these fun little make believe things that are written about and consumed by our fiction loving population but many still carry a certain disdain for. I personally, love them. Well most of them anyway.

As a personal rule of mine, I generally will read anything once and if I love it I will read it a thousand times over and add it to my collection of books that clutter my room and living room. 

As a young adult, reading young adult literature was expected. Then came adulthood. Suddenly, I was worried that my YA obsession would be frowned upon. I tried and tried to get into reading literature that would be considered adult. But I just couldn't do it.
Non-fiction bored me (I read books for the same reason I love theater and watch movies, to escape reality for a time). And other books contained material that was either way too graphic that I was blushing or language that made me cringe.

So I turned back to young adult secretly. Hiding the covers so people wouldn't know. And then slowly, I began to realize it was nothing to be ashamed of. It is FICTION for goodness sake. Vampires, Fae, Werewolves...yes please. Tell a great story and I am hooked.

But then that leaves the zombies. Oh the zombies. Not so much a fan. Until I rented a book called The Forest of Hands and Teeth by Carrie Ryan. I rented it because I thought the cover was cool. I read it and only realized about a third of the way through it WHAT I was actually reading. A zombie book.

When I realized this I literally slammed the book shut and stared at the wall thinking oh my gosh. It is a book about zombies. I set the book down, clean house, watching the book carefully as if it was going to jump up and become my worst nightmare. But it didn't. And eventually I was so stinkin curious about the characters that I not only finished it, but bought the next three and read them within two days. And that was all it took.

Because I realized that yes, I do not do gore. I hate it to be more precise. But I do do survival. I do love girls who kick butt and a story of the desire to fight for love and a life worth living.

And so this brings me to my book, Tainted. I wrote it because I wanted to get into the world of a young girl who has to survive a world in which an out of control virus is taking over. Call it zombies, I say chemical warfare and a super virus. I wanted to write a story of a girl who is willing to sacrifice everything for others. A story in which hope cannot be killed, but the tainted can. A story that is minus the gore but full of suspense.

And if I get backlash for that...then oh well. So be it.

So here it is.....
http://www.amazon.com/Tainted-Trilogy-ebook/dp/B00788GBFK/ref=sr_1_7?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1329097393&sr=1-7

Swallowing Fear

Well. Here I am. Sitting at my computer trying to wrap my mind around what the heck I am doing. For a few years now I have followed several friends who blog and am amazed at their ability to write what is in their heart and share it with the world. Some are hilarious, some are briliant, all are entertaining and draw me back week after week. But never in my life had I thought I would EVER start my own blog.

So, why, you ask, have I started this now? Well, for years I have written stories. Not real life, not what is in my heart, but the crazy little things that flitter through my mind. And then, after days, weeks, or months I carefully tuck the story into a box somewhere, never to be seen by anyone but myself and maybe my family. If they are lucky.

So today I actually did the unthinkable.

I self published a book.

A 240 page...66, 000 word book.

And my palms are still sweating and my heart is still pounding.

I try to reason with myself. What is the worst that can happen? But that reasoning only gets me about this far...
1) Everyone will hate it.
2) Everyone will think I have wasted my time.
3) I will be humiliated and will never be able to show my face in public again...And maybe die from said humiliation.

Yes, I know, that's a little dramatic. But part of my writers brain, that has created characters who mean something to me and stories that I love, dreads that unlikely possibility.

Yet, when I think about the absolute worst outcome, it is nothing like the silly ones listed above.

Regret. A serious case of the what if's. Growing old and knowing that I let my dreams slip away because of fear.

So instead, I am learning this year to embrace that which I fear and run forward, following my dreams.

And for every ten that hate my work, I will be happy with just one who loves it or even likes it. And with a few more pep talks, I think that is something I can live with.